segue.

the words i want out of me won't let loose its grip on the edge of my tongue and what i know is unsettling question marks at the end of however many fragmented sentences slip off in some uncertain order at random happenstance unreliable voice in some foreign language i feel like a fraud when i hear how unnatural and awkward my script sound out loud somehow less flat than i meant to lead off with and transparent i know by your lack of casual exhales suddenly making me wonder less about my inflections like glass panes and more concerned with your face turning shades i assumed had some vague crayon named obscure once before i could picture the scene playing out here resembles something ripped out of medical texts only seen in lab rats controlled and test groups which were left with little choice it seemed best for self-preservation in light of what external circumstances loomed threatening promising misery and certain death extended suffering the knowing what signals impending doom even here in this fresh air wasteland we see clearly the best of bad ways to spend the rest of a summer night or the better part of adult lifetimes perhaps; the roots of primal fear run clear to the surface of the rats that lie rotting somewhere under surveilance and here we sit stuck like a record scratched looping back to inaudible mumbling i broke out of captivity unleashed wild beast i cannot take back into my throat burning empty with what went missing escaped and was best left to wither and waste away days imprisoned by impotent guts flopping useless far below threatening the words i keep chewing on. and should have known how this scene could play out improvised impromptu i could have felt out your stage cues better than this i went out there like madness mixed up my eyeballs rolling around and unblinking spitting out things that i thought seemed so subtle and made you unable to excuse yourself for this next move i took up all the time you might have had for that and finally found enough of why not to fix my wild and wide-eyed gaze upwards of your pleated pants and elbow greased suntanned chest i see through thick layers of sweatshirts pretending to hear you panting wanting most unprintable sighs satisfied behind me like silverware now wearing down veteran sweet talkers like us with the fatal night air hanging stale and loaded shotgun blasts that left us deaf with shock value still linger and draw blisters out of what i should have known could burn my skin but could not resist saying things with less dress rehearsals than i fit into edits of some script you finished with finally finding a place to file me away within the crazy chain smokers who lost their minds in the space of one bad choice and ruined all chance of summer romance with one overzealous night that ended with you faking your own choking incident i fled the scene of which stuck me forever i'm certain in your head embedded like buried treasure chests or things still stuck underwhat cement poured over when still wet once before this evidence i left behind gags me in spite of what i am left with which might be less of unspoken and your attention and things i hoped for could end up well-played and shrugged off as otherwise i tried to disguise my private thoughts and plans for you as whatever freedom rings freefall and maybe baby nonsequitors noise to fill up the weight of gravity pulled down between implied intent and body language i meant to convey with less effort than you took as a red flag jumped ship and left flares in me smothered with humbled rejected i cannot stand to look back and think what if things that may have been otherwise interesting finished sentences calmly delivered by professional players trained better than i made excuses for afterwards into the shower floor drowned out sorrows and worry flushed circles of perfect disaster down the drain with what went first the thing that i sent running for death's door and heaven or hell no matter just not anywhere close to where i made you see me playing imposter and showing hands in early card games i lost before i found out how to downplay what rising mercury signs i learned later in life meant to lay out what i flushed too fast spread eagle legs exposed in front of you for later years perhaps better hands since healed what went wrong then enough to make jokes about laughter out loud in small circles perfect i imagine friends crowded around to hear stories i swear to stand by and poke air holes in swollen old wounds relieved someday not soon to be rid of the flesh-eating bad taste left in my mouth after last ditch efforts to reign in a stampede made a lasting impression of me for the record and stamped forever in ink just beside my initials you find astericks and smug implications i deny until lifetimes have proven otherwise of me and you can add things to crazy bitch titles at least i have that to look forward to, of little comfort still tonight.