God's Plan.

so. it's been seven (7) months and counting. think maybe today's the day i can move on with my life, NYCTF? waitlists are no fun, no fair, and no good all bad should be forbidden and outlawed and made to

WAIT

...for 7 months.

just because i am starting to develop hives from reading blogs of those only slightly more neurotic than me. and they cry to one another about the 2, 3, 4 week-long wait and how its too much to bear so clearly i had violence and humiliation and primal tribal totem pole fury type shit all dancing around in my head. which is, by most stretches of the imagination and judging by the use of the word "sheesh" more than once on said blog; clearly my methodology and knee-jerk reaction, if you will; are um... fucking inappropriate and uncalled for? (sheesh.) and so. i closed out every window and shut the laptop down, and i put on the gloves that i make myself wear when i don't trust myself not to poke things and destroy stuff... and i did that for a short while, or until i could be trusted again but still.

i had to tell someone....

it's crushing me. so now, it's out and here's hoping the good keepers of my entire life-path will also break their stone-cold, 7-month stretch of unimaginable silence. (preferably with a 'yes'. that's not so greedy of me to ask right?) (holding.my.breath....) and. maybe.